Monday, January 21, 2008

NEXT POST.

So this is what I've told ya'll about earlier.

Today I felt several things. I can't really explain them, so I'll just write whatever I'm thinking.

Firstly, I realised I'm pretty insignificant to people I want to be a big part of to. Don't things always turn out that way? Either that, or I come in second best. It'll be selfish of me to say that I want to be important, but I'll say it anyway because it's true, and I'm just sick of being overshadowed in what I try to make an impression in. So as a result, I'm eager, and some people may dislike me for that, but I have my reasons, so fuck off. But if only there was something I could do, to make me mean just that little bit more. Couldn't people take the time off to love me a little more? Or at least appreciate me. I do things for people, I'm generally nice, I think I deserve at least that. I'm sick of thinking about and for others, this is all about ME. Sure, there are the beautiful people who I love and they make me feel good about myself, but there are certain people who I particularly want to be looked at with something else other than disinterest. But that happens to just about everyone, huh. I know I treat certain people that way, but at least I'm aware of it, and I'm sorry if I hurt anyone; I didn't mean it, I swear. But I bet people don't mean to not-notice me too. Hell. It's a bloody circle.

Secondly, I realised that I'm lonely. Please don't call me emo or whatever cause I will kick your ass. But I am lonely. I don't have anyone right now. Sure I have friends, but I don't have The Friend. I've kinda drifted from Fonteyn now, and I really don't want that. She was The Friend to me for a while, and I don't know if I told her this, but she was the most important person to me for a bit then. But now, it's just like I'm attached to all my accquaintances with a string, they're near me, but not close. If you get my meaning. And I hate being lonely more than anything else in the world.

Lastly, I realised that I'm sad. So sad. I don't think I want to elaborate on how or why I'm sad, or maybe I don't know how to, exactly. I just am. And I need to feel better real soon. Or something bad will happen, I'm sure.

Edit: Oh and also, I was put in a sort of situation today, I can't exactly say what, but I just wanna put two lines of lyrics here, for a friend. I hope she sees this, or hears of this and just knows it's here for her. I'll just take comfort in the fact that I'm putting this out, and I hope it'll get to her in some way or another.

"Love has given me a reason to live,
And love has given me a reason to die." - This Is Home, I Am Ghost.

Here's to you, friend. I love you.

xoxo
Bex

Posted by Rebecca @ 8:09 PM