Thursday, February 5, 2009

I've seen the light

YES. FINALLY. BEX HAS SEEN THE LIGHT.

That's what most of you will say after I've relayed my suddenly burst of courage to you tomorrow. I know you're sick of my doormat-ness. Most people find it hard to understand, but I know some do because they know me. XD I'm just like that. But anyways, no more self-pitying-wishy-washy-whiney-Suwen crap anymore. At least, hopefully.

The thing is, I had a short burst of courage this afternoon. Then I caved in an hour later. At that point, I had no idea if it was a moment of courage or weakness, I really didn't know. I felt like I couldn't differentiate anymore, I was so screwed up. But whilst I can't differentiate in my case, I CAN tell the difference. And I know what I need, which is courage.

And after a song which helped me really realise a lot of things, especially how you can't make things happen or change reality, now I'm feeling the burst come back, stronger this time. Think it was just about when after I let go and after Yuen spoke to me. And I'm hoping that now it isn't just a moment, but that it'll last long enough to tide me over, because I really need it right now. All I know is that I will try. Cause I know it's gna hurt either way, but I NEED to be strong. I can take it the hard way and moan for the rest of goodness knows when, or take it the fast way, like ripping a band-aid off, sharp and quick.

I think cause I've actually dealt with it, with advice from gorgeous people, I guess it finally drilled into my head. Especially after a seriously personal one-on-one with Yuen in the dark. Guess it makes it better to think, I dno. HAHAHA. Never been one for sunlight, this proves everything! XD

I know I'm being really ambiguous here cause it's more of an epiphany and personal reflection, but since only my friends read my blog, they'll know what they're talking about. At least, I'm hoping only my friends do. HAHAHA.

Wish me luck, and for all my beautiful friends, be there for me. Though, of course, I have no doubts as to your support for me. <3

xoxo
Bex

PS. This song on the radio now, I'm just listening to it, I'm gna post it, cause it's really true. Please listen to these two, I know how people don't really listen to songs people post on their blog, but you'll really see what I mean. The first one is the actual song that made me realise everything. And the second one is what I'm hearing right now.



Posted by Rebecca @ 8:35 PM