Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Just fine.

I dno when did I let myself turn into such a doormat. Goodbye, self-respect!

It's over.
I'm so fucked up right now. But at least the bad part of the hurting's over. And actually, I should've ended it right there, to escape the misery. I honestly dno why I kept hanging in there at the most painful point, but I know I won't do it again.

But maybe I do know why. It's because I loved you too much to see sense.

I really need to stop being naive, guillible, the lot.
Living in paranoia isn't easy, but it's better than living in pain.
Cause then I won't believe all those lies dished out to me so easily ever again. I really don't need this right now, I should have seen it coming. Usually, fantastic promises are the ones you really have to watch out for. I wasn't even this involved in the start, but as time went by, I believed everything, and let myself get into it. Telling myself this is going to be different, it's not just any other relationship. That there are such things as fairytales after all.

I was so wrong.

I kind of brought it upon myself, really. Me and my silly ideals. It's time to be pragmatic, like Charlotte, because that's just the ugly truth. So now, I'll make a promise. I promise myself never to fall so deeply for someone again. Cause the other kind of falling is much, much worse.

But am I really the kind of person who can keep this kind of promise? I NEED someone. And I completely trust people all the time, because that's just me. And it SUCKS bigtime.

And now this is gna turn into one of those emo kid blogs ya'll see in google.
EWW NO.

But yet... At the same time. There's is tiny thing inside me. The thing that flew out of Pandora's Box last. I don't know why it's nesting in back of my heart. Maybe my heart just needs the pure white light it flew out in. Maybe I need it for now. And maybe I'm being stupid just hanging on, but I don't care. I need Hope, or I'll lose everything. Yet, that white butterfly's nesting on a perch of Evil. That selfish, evil little part of me, that everyone has. But I won't ever admit it, because this part is hidden in all of us, that little bit of selfishness we all entertain. I'll bury it deep within me, but I'll only take it out to contemplate over it when I'm with the most important people of my life. Yeah Haniel, come ask me about it. Hahahahaha.

I'll be fine. I will be, because I can't afford not to.

One last question: Will you miss me? Don't answer it, because I don't need to know anymore. You'll know it for yourself, and that's how it's gna be.

xoxo
Bex

Posted by Rebecca @ 1:01 PM