Monday, February 22, 2010

Parental Control

I wish I could make my own decisions for once. In this short bout of freedom, so help me God, I want to freaking milk it for all it's worth. A split second sandwiched between years of studying, working, running the human race. Is it so much to ask?

I wish my identity was established as Rebecca; Girl; Individual. No ties, no "Daughter" nor "Student", or definition through any other. Just for that one moment, I want things to let me go. But then again, things don't always go the way you want them to. And I have to watch bitterly as this plays out before me, and my unhappiness is enough to swallow my brief pretence of this thing I believe is freedom.

I know it's always about "They love you"s and "They care", but caring less would work. Call me heartless, go on. But I'm really sick of it. It's some oppressive shit and I want out.

Anywho, today I met up with the two goons again. So much for studying. I hope Rui got some things done. Anyways tomorrow Drey and I will be working together at Singapore Pools, packing angpaos and such, so she'll be free from distractions for a while to get some studying done, hopefully! We fooled around with the webcam and sang to a lot of stupid old songs. HAHA heaps fun. Rui uploaded one on youtube, but I'm so glad that she didn't put up the more unglam ones. HEEHEE.

xoxo
Bex

Posted by Rebecca @ 11:08 PM :: (0) comments

Sunday, February 21, 2010

Rui & Drey

Omg. Recently I've been hanging out with Ruilynn and Audrey so much, it's like I see them everyday. It's as if we're all together or something. Threesome! HAHAHAHA. At least I'm not as bored anymore. But this week Rui has exams, so we can't meet much. Then next week A LEVEL RESULTS ARE RELEASED. I'm so dead. Cnt have fun already. -.-

Anyways, I found out several things that apparently occured during the course of my last relationship. But it's so stupid, I laugh just thinking about it. I'm glad I broke up with See Han, now that I can see clearly what kinda person he really is, I'm glad we're no longer together. XD

Tomorrow, swimming then Rui's place! Drey's hopefully joining us later. Then on tuesday I'm working at Dhoby Ghaut with Drey. God we're attached at the hip.

xoxo
Bex

Posted by Rebecca @ 11:25 PM :: (0) comments

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Jiaw's House!

So today I was supposed to go to Omar's house with Aleem and Akmal to play RockBand, but suddenly Omar's mum said no, so it got postponed to next week. Just nice, Audrey and Rae were going out to "study", so I said I'll come along. Needless to say, the instigator of "studying" herself (Drey) didn't even touch her book, whilst Rae and I at least made a pathetic, not to mention failed, attempt at Jiaw's house. Oh yeah we visited his place, after being bored at Ion cause we really didn't know what to do.

We went shopping earlier on, then even though it was for ME, I didn't get anything! I really liked this sandblasted denim oversized sweater from Zara; IT WAS SO CUTE. But Drey and Rae didn't like it, so under their influence, I put it back. Then after some shopping, where Rae really got quite a lost of things despite her claims to "save money", we went to Jiaw's, where we played Taiti until Wei Xuan came over! Totally missed him man. DX I'm so glad to see him. His eyes seem to have gotten smaller. HEEHEEXZXZ. God I need to stop doing that.

So we played Taiti, and the loser had to drink like a full can of something. I dno why I sucked so badly, so I got like, at the end of the day, Lemon Barley, Coke, Beer, Chrysenthamum Tea and gosh knows what. I was seriously bloated, and I wanted to DAI. Jiaw's mum was super nice, and really friendly and sweet, and we met his niece who was the most adorable girl in the whole world. ^^ I swear, I made myself a goon to make her laugh, but it's so worth it cause every expression is just so pretty. She's so sweet. <3

Pleaded for a ride home, but in the end Drey, Rae and I cabbed back to Kovan. We're seeing each other tomorrow too, before my rehearsals. Hahahahaha we're all just gna go out until it reaches a point where it's excessive overload, then we're just gna like, get sick of each other and never talk again. HAHAHAHAHA. Well, I'll just enjoy it whilst it lasts. ^^

xoxo
Bex

Posted by Rebecca @ 11:04 PM :: (0) comments

Monday, February 15, 2010

I need.

I've had some tough calls with this. But I have to face it, in all its brutal honesty, somewhat selfishness, and the bitter, medicinal taste of dealing with a problem I can't see for myself. It's time to put it all down.

Yes, I need someone. But I can't take just anyone. Haniel's right and wrong. I don't just take any ugly ass (optional) guy that comes to me cause I feel sorry for them; I have to think for myself too.

I need someone who IS my best friend. Who I can joke and laugh with and be myself with, but yet at the same time, not completely buddy-buddy; those preserved moments of when I can feel like a blushing school girl with him.

I need someone who isn't insensitive, for a change, and knows exactly what to say, and mean it. I need someone who can engage me in intellectual conversation in actual topics of interest. I need someone who can get my wit, and my sarcasm.

Most of all, I need someone who needs me. And I need someone who I will keep needing for the rest of my life.

Permanence is hard to find, and so many situations presenting permanence to me may as well be deceptively false. But I won't give up, cause in the end, it's about what I need and what I want.

xoxo
Bex

Posted by Rebecca @ 11:21 PM :: (0) comments

Back to blogginggggg.

Okay, I feel bad for neglecting this blog after I randomly went to it today and read my past posts. Gosh I miss purple backgrounds. (OMG I CAN'T PUT HEARTS WITHOUT BLOGGER FUCKING UP. FUCK)

So lj will be solely for fic, and this for personal posts. There, my life is sorted. XD

With the Chinese New Year right here, I have some changes in my life that will hopefully allow me to have a fun, eventful year today, even though certain things I picked the worst possible moment to change. BUT, I'll stay hopeful, cause really, what else is there to do?

Anywho, A level results are in 2 weeks! I'm seriously wigging out here. I just realised today, and it seemed like... I dno. So LOOMINGFUL. DX I tend to invent words in moments of sheer panic/overwhelmingness. SEE.

I feel like this year's Valentine's Day passed without a peep. No overly-garish signs/advertisements/decorations. Maybe cause CNY overshadowed it. XD But that itself has been relatively boring. Hoooooo.

In the meantime, I shall enjoy my last two weeks of freedom, before I'm forced to face my results, which really... I'm not looking forward to. I hate disappointment, even though my hopes have an absolutely irrational reason for being there. Then again, their general intangibility gives me absolute zero control over them actually being there in the first place. I don't have a choice here. DDDDDX

xoxo
Bex

Posted by Rebecca @ 11:05 PM :: (0) comments