Sunday, October 31, 2010
Tired.
I'm so tired of Life. Obligations, the mechanisms of living. Breathing is a chore. I've never felt deader.I want to walk out into the middle of the road right now. And lie there and look at the stars until the moment where I suddenly can't see them any longer.
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Blind
And even with everyone saying the same thing, I'm still holding out for the thing I want to hear. It's bad, but I'm foolish.I don't want to face it. It might be the hardest thing I need to do.
Do I need to do it?
Do I have to?
I have answers. I just need the right one. And I know the right one might not necessarily be the best one, but sometimes you need to suffer for what's best for you. But then again, perhaps the right answer might not be the one I'm dreading.
Oh Lord give me strength.
Thursday, October 28, 2010
School's crazy
They weren't kidding, what with all the horror stories about SMU. Thank goodness I've got the boy to keep me sane, and the handful of sweet friends. (:Met Haniel on monday for Suki! It's been a looooong time, but it's not as good as I remembered it to be. Xing was supposed to go, but council took up her time last minute. :/
On a side note, cheesy chicken pasta from Colours is yummy! And UNS is tomorrow! And I might be getting a Mac to replace my really old, beaten up, stickered fujitsu! I know I"m too late for the itouch promotion thing, but I dno, all these gadgets make me uneasy. :/ So much for resisting the mainstream. Oh and this paragraph must be the most unstructured, randomised paragraph I've ever written. I wouldn't re-read it cause I'll cringe. HAHA.
I PLAN TO COOK SOON. AFTER ALL MY DEADLINES. CAN YOU SAY 3 SUBMISSIONS NEXT NEXT WEEK?! //dies
xoxo
Bex
Saturday, October 23, 2010
A WEEK.
OMG IT'S BEEN A WEEK SINCE I LAST BLOGGED?! NO WAAAAAY. My life has been so eventful huh. HAHAHAHA. This week was Wan Mai's fundraising, and they did really well! (: So happy for them. Cause of my constant support muh. HAHAHA. On monday, I couldn't stop laughing at Kelvin. HAHAHAHAHA. That idiot. XDI can't wait for monday! Ponning AS to go meet Haniel and Xing for Suki! OMG winnn. Ponned AS last week too, cause I heard the presentations are crap so I'll just study myself. My bigger worry is that he'll return the mid terms, but nothing Shamus can't help me handle. XD Sigh. Now that deadlines are looming and finals are nail-bitingly near but I'm not doing anything about it, I'm feeling the stress. To make things worse, I'm not getting enough sleep. I KNOW RIGHT. GROAN.
Yesterday, I had dinner with the church girls at Manhattan Fish Market. The fish n chips are scrummy! We need to go to our gambling den again soon manz! HAHA. Brought the boy to meet them, FIRST TIME EVER! Heh this is so ground-breaking. XD Anyways, after that, we headed back to school for Symphonia's concert last night, and Kai Wen's concert today. I'm filled up to the ears (pardon) with music. Hahahaha. And I'll never look at my cousin in the same light again. XD
I love yoooou.
xoxo
Bex
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Secret Schadenfreude
Maybe it's the innate insecurities I'm made with. (:TODAY WAS BORING. Church, NAP, laptop. SIGH SUNDAYS ARE TOTALLY WASTED. But yesterday, after Caderas, met HANIELYESFINALLY at Novena for lunch. We had a good time talking and talking. I only wish we had more time tgt. :/
Miss the boy, cause I didn't see him yesterday, nor today. Tomorrow I will, but I still feel strange. HAHA this is terrible. When he leaves for two weeks I'll DIE. :/
I like talking at night. ^^
xoxo
Bex
Edit: THIS BLOG LOOKS BORING. PHOTO POSTS WILL BE COMING UP SOON, EVEN I HAVE TO BLEED TO TAKE THEM.
Saturday, October 16, 2010
FA and Friday.
Had a great day today! (: Went all the way to the boy's place in the early afternoon, then went to eat lunch (OWNING HOKKIEN MEE) at the hawker centre followed by a grassjelly/soya bean drink and a lap cheong. (Y) After that, I went to dental where I got blue braces and rubberbands for night time wear! Headed to school and completely my FA homework in like less than an hour. Totally happy! Depreciation is SO my thing. ^^ Then went to get gong cha and collect J's race pack, then went over to Parkway for the best ever authentic hainanese chicken rice and durian ice cream for afters. The ice cream was really the highlight of my day manz. It's like eating frozen durian flesh, srsly. Basically all I consumed today was fantastic. (: J says he's scared he's spoiling me with all this awesome food. I'm not accustomed to becoming spoilt, but I fear for my resolve this time. Eek I'M GOING TO GET FAT. But the journey there is just so glorious. XDLoving you is cherry pie.
xoxo
Bex
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Eating for 4!
THE BOY AND I HAVE BEEN STUFFING OURSELVES THE PAST FEW DAYS. ):
Yesterday after school, we went to Bedok, where I'm officially convinced is makan heaven. We got chai tao kuay, orh lua, chee kweh and porridge and proceeded to EAT like there was no tomorrow. As if it wasn't bad enough, there was TURKISH ICE CREAM. I'm a sucker for that, and I had a great time playing a fool. HAHAHA. ^^
And cause I hadn't been sleeping well the past few days, I reached home and crashed ON MY ROOM FLOOR for an hour. Woke up at 11 to bathe, went to my bed and slept. Woke up at 12, but went back to sleep, then J called at 1 and I was like SHIT IT'S 1. Did research til 3 then went to bed. Nice sleeping hours right? O.o
Somemore, woke up at 6 plus this morning to meet Fon for breakfast at Kovan Macs. Met Ben Sew and another classmate of hers there, and I had a really good time talking and laughing with them. (: Met 4 other <3 kids for brunch before CT, and we're gna make this a weekly thing! (Y) Happy. (:
CT class was terrible. HAHA. I had to do some mini talk thingy in front of the class to make up for the class proj I missed out on in the second week, if we all remember the screwed up admin fiasco. -.- Then there was a debate, which got rather nit-picky, and everyone got rather pissed off at Jon Chng! TSK TSK TSK! HAHA. BGS meeting after that, which wasn't all that productive. :/ But whatever, we still got some stuff settled. Then instead of studying for AS midterm, Jonathan and I watched How To Train Your Dragon on his Mac. HAHA. Fabulous movie btw, TOTALLY cute and aww worthy. (: Might've even cried at one point if I was feeling emo, but not today. HEH. Went for AS midterm, which somewhat sucked. :/ Ohwells...
So met the boy, and we went to Marche (sp???) for dinner, and had calamari, rosti, salad and oxtail soup with some bundaberg ginger beer! MOTHER FULL NOW. There was some terribly flamboyant gay at the next table with 5 of his fag hags. I obviously don't have a problem with gheys, but it's obnoxious people like him that enforce stereotypes and give homosexuals a bad name. Sigh. Managed to get home even though we were uber full, and my bed is srsly beckoning. Think I'll have a project meeting with my pillow and bolster for a while. Excuse me. ^^
xoxo
Bex
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Tear. Tear.
When it tears, the rip sounds tear tears.I wonder if anyone will be able to understand that. HAHA.
I miss everyone so badly. ):
I shouldn't feel so alone, but I do.
Sigh.
I need to get over myself. (:
xoxo
Bex
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
I
Like things are slipping away, thoughIt's probably unlikely to conform
To the high tension scribbles that
You fear are stark evidence of dreams
Like the need desire want to keep
Your thumb over all you ever made to
Be precious, though the same is yet
To be said for reciprocation
Like the gnawing ache inside that
Ultimately only one being can ever
Fill to make you feel as if the
Cosmos is seen only in your eyes
Like the plethora of deep cocoa
Swirls which aren't poor in intensity
But the black hole is mended only when
The whole picture is yours, and yours alone.
Monday, October 11, 2010
Waiting.
I'm just waiting. (: But not pushing, cause I don't mind all that much. ^^Today was BACKTOSCHOOLDAY. We were all stoned in BGS, as noted by prof, but can you blame us, srsly. It was boring, even class discussion about Singlish. I know right. It's terrible. Normally people would take full advantage of such a beefy matter as this, but today, not much. ):
I went for lunch with Kevin, Jason, Jonathan and Juer today at Thai Express. Had a great time! But apparently the stupid card was sorta tricksy and I couldn't get 20% until I earned rebate thingies or whatever, so I used my $10 voucher as an apology. :/ SORREH ALL. Not like you're reading this anyways. HAHA. Seriously considered skipping AS, partly cause Jonathan wouldn't see the doctor and partly cause I was suspecting it might be a waste of time.
I got to AS in the end. And it was a waste of time. -.- Class ended in half an hour. Good lord... Went to SOB to htht a bit with YS. HAHA. Then met J and went to the library briefly, before heading to OCS with him and Gerald. After that, the two of us went to that coffeeshop opposite DES to eat (chee cheong fun for lunch ftw! he had chicken rice (Y) really) and got back to school to study. Didn't do much studying, needless to say. :/ This is baaaaaad.
Went to watch YS and Hafish's short performance with Symphonia at the T junction before going home! The band is really awesome. They play SO well. Their tone is as together, as bright, as clear and as wholesome as the instruments they play. It's SO HARD to get that sound cause most bands these days sound like crap. Or maybe it was the acoustics. Heh. They rocked anyways!
Tired, got more things to do, but today's just another day and I'll be wasting my life if I go on feeling miserable on days that I don't need to. (: I'm off!
xoxo
Bex
Saturday, October 9, 2010
2 MORE HOURS.
OHMYGOD TIME IS PASSING GLORIOUSLY QUICKLY. (: Now I just pray mummy sleeps early. ^^
I met Xing late last night. It was so fun. I laughed like I couldn't in ages. (: I miss everyone. Please meet up soon!
Then I met another Xing (Xing Hui) to watch The Other Guys today. Overslept so I was up and out in 5 minutes. HAHA I'm zai. XD It was pretty funny, okay fine really funny, but also really full of shit. HAHAHA. It's crappy luh, dno why Rotten Tomatoes gave it such decent ratings. Next up, either Eat Pray Love, if I decide to give it a chance, or NOWHERE BOY! I'm trying to get Jonathan to download I Love You, Philip Morris. HAHA looks cute. Looks like Singapore's finally opening up. (: OH and I'm gna cheat and read the synopsis of Buried off the net, cause I'm lazy to watch a movie which plot has already been featured in CSI.
Went to church, then gma's, where I talked with Kai Yin for quite long about school and stuff. Nice to talk with her sometime. (: I just realised it'll be damn strange when I turn 20 or even 21 and still will be grouped in with the "Kids". Sigh. My little cousins will be aunties/uncles before they turn teenage.
CAN'T WAIT!!!!! (:
xoxo
Bex
Friday, October 8, 2010
How To Be Alone
I'm having one of them phases again. SIGH.Life's meaningless. I don't believe this is what we're supposed to do. Born to be in various airconditioned rooms 95% of our lives, working or being distracted by the industry's workings (pop), and its familiars (radio, fashion, cyberspace). It's disgusting. I want to be free from all this. I also want to be free from myself, and what I think I need. I want to be by myself, off somewhere where I'm unburdened by the cares of what I need to do to please people tomorrow.
I'm lonely and I don't want that. I want to learn to be alone, and I want to love it.
xoxo
Bex
In the end,
I napped. From 4-7. Oh Lord. -.-xoxo
Bex
A Not-really-lazy Day
Today is passing slowly, and I'm not napping. AMAZING. But I'm not studying either. Slept over at Rui's last night! We're the two most unmotivated people in the world. XD Can't stop sneezing today wth. But anyways, I woke up at like 9, went back to sleep, woke up at 9.50, napped til 10 cause time passed SUPER slowly in 10 minutes. I LIKE. (Y) Headed out to get a cab, nothing came, so gave up, abandoned my plans and went back to her house for mee tai mak. Went upstairs to nap until she had to go meet her boy, then WALKED (miracle!) home from gardens. Dno what I was thinking but after the food I consumed LATE last night, I needed that walk. XD
I'm not napping. I'm not napping. I can't get over it omg. But the afternoon's still early. I have a feeling I'll succumb. I have nothing to do today, and it feels good. (: Well, I'm cheating. I have loads to do, but I'm not gna do nothing today. Just FB, surf the net and day dream. XD
All I need is a hammock and a really summery sort of drink to get the feeling really going. Sigh, I can't wait for break. WHEN I'M RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF ONE. HAHAHAHA.
xoxo
Bex
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Time
I suddenly find myself with loads of time on my hands and nothing much to do. ): Sigh. I suppose this is what happens when a person who's constant and important leaves. ROAR. I want Saturday to come quick!Going to RL's house to sleepover on thursday! YEY. Thursday and friday will be terribly eventful. (: It's good to occupy me, and I really miss Rui so it's like two birds with one stone. I want to tan tomorrow too, but I dno about that, with the condition of my face. ): Not sure if it's the right thing to do; to get all oily and swelter like a fool whilst tanning.
Watching Alice in Wonderland now! Totally wicked. XD And talking to Alex, whom I haven't spoken to in ages. Miss you lovie. <3
xoxo
Bex
Monday, October 4, 2010
Facial!
For the first time in MONTHS MONTHS MONTHS. I think it's been close to half a year? Or heavens, even more! But it wasn't too bad. I didn't really cry, just teared at the sensitive parts. There was this new facialist (I'm saying new cause that's the first time I've seen her, though I know it wouldn't be fair if she's been there for months already) and she was really gentle! Not to say she wasn't firm, but for some reason it wasn't that horrid. She really knew what she was doing too, though for the face massage she has to be a bit less scared to press. Back is mother red now, so that gives me another reason not to wear nice tops this week. Hahaha. I already got two, cause I have a cui red mark somewhere on my chest and J's not gna be around so no point wearing nicely. HAHAHA. Thank God too. I refuse to let him see my face, even if it means not sending him off. I'd rather let him have a proper image of my face to last him one week than this awful mess I'm currently sporting.I went for a 10 minute fish spa today with Jonathan! It felt great, and was totally relaxing. Yeyyyy. I also bought Famous Amos! (Y). Today I ate ownage fries from Cine then teppanyaki later at Food Republic. The veggies were srsly upz. Even though the amount of oil and salt the dude poured on them is enough to cancel the healthy effects of it. XD Thankfully I didn't eat TOO much today. Need to start eating less again, and not too much oily/spicy food, drink more water, and sleep more. I know this week I'll be sleeping early. Siiiigh. But it's alright, it's only for a few days! Training for december! ROAR.
Oh speaking of training, I'm going to miss 4 sessions of Caderas cause of the fam holiday. Sigh. Kill me. ): Is it strange that I'd rather stay back in Singapore to attend practice instead of going to Aussie with the folks? SIGH.
I'll miss you, please take care of yourself! I'll wait excitedly for your return! The lava lamp is pretty. (: I'll watch it when I sleep.
xoxo
Bex
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Shopping!
I LOVE SHOPPING. I know that I already bought a Zara top yesterday, but today after church, mummy sis and I made a trip down to Velocity where we raided Cotton On. XDDDD Warning: Never go shopping when daddy's not in town. HAHA HAVOC! It came up to $104, including sis' TWO tops, so clearly I was the big spender here. Everything is cheap individually but of course it all adds up. Since I'm bothered to post photos, my Zara top can come up as well!Btw, don't be offended by the knickers. They're too cute to not show y'all! <3
Last two are random, but who cares? ^^
xoxo
Bex
Saturday, October 2, 2010
TIRED.
Caderas is getting fiercer. WHOO. Going for social night next week! YEY can't wait! WHEEEEEEEEEEEEE. But I'm also getting fatter. And my face is now damn cui. SIGH.Today after practice, met J and the motley crue (heh heh) and basically just ate dessert for lunch. I think that was it. We talked also luh; I guess that was the major part. XD I had teh bing with grass jelly! It was super good luh! The grass jelly was reaaaally smooth. The rest got mango shaved ice and some mango sago pomelo thingy. JS didn't get any, but he had half a duck for his mum. HAHA. Random. And I just realised all of their names start with J. Ohmygiddiness.
Anyways, after that we parted ways. J and I went to Bugis, where we visited Kino, moved on to Absolute Comics and then ABC bookstore and finally settled at J Co. for yogurt! Apparently I know him too well to fear for the relationship of two of our mutual friends to degenerate into FB. HAHAHAHA yeah facebook. Sure. Anyways after that we went to meet Steven! We went to town then went to like Zaras all over to find J's jacket. I got poisoned and bought a top. SIGH I NEED TO STOP THIS. HAHAHA. Steven called me a secondary school girl. Wts. Bu that fella is daaaamn fun. XD I had a good time!
Might be going to YS' later with a bunch of the gang to chill! OMG FINALLY CAN GET TGT. But depends on whether I get a ride or I just get motivated to go. XD Either that, or I might actually make it out quick enough for the last bus. Heh we'll see. Cause oh yes Dad just went to the airport! DC for a week again. Didn't ask him to get anything as a sort of repentance for the last trip where he bought my baby and its baby, but I told him to buy me anything pretty. HAHA ambivalent, and leaves lots of room for interpretation, or avoidance. XD
xoxo
Bex
Friday, October 1, 2010
TIME TO REST.
RECESS HAS OFFICIALLY STARTED FOR ME! I've been waiting for this break for so long.
Can't wait to spend tomorrow loafing. XD Going for a massage, prolly meeting mum and sis for lunch, having dinner with the family, and doing some well deserved loafing before the projects attack me. ): Facial on monday; so NOT look forward to it. Will read Eat Pray Love within the next few days. (:
Caderas was mother tiring today. Siiigh. So fast. I'm gna hurt badly tomorrow. HAHAHA.
I want to do so many things. Watch the sunrise in crisp weather, laze on a blanket on the grass on a day that's sunny and warm without being sweltering, play at the beach, go to a theme park and eat churros, cotton candy, apples on a stick and popcorn in between roller coaster rides until I'm tired. Sigh. I want to do so many things.
I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where. I love you simply, without problems or pride: I love you in this way because I do not know any other way of loving but this, in which there is no I or you, so intimate that your hand upon my chest is my hand, so intimate that when I fall asleep your eyes close.
One Hundred Years of Solitude, Gabriel García Márquez
xoxo
Bex